Best of German-American Bullshit.
August 7, 2017
A short summary of all the weird, funny and sad things I discovered during my 4-month-trip across the United States. Small and big oddities. Things to laugh about, things worth crying for, things to think about. America through the eyes of a German with a German-American heart. Be aware: This text probably contains irony.
Shopping
Go into a supermarket, throw some things into the basket and be surprised at the check-out! In the US they do add the taxes
afterwards. I can tell you: That’s not always a nice surprise. Moreover, food is freaking expensive. Some slices of cheese cost $5 (in Germany $2), a chocolate bar costs $3 (in Germany $1) and a
simple frozen pizza is round about $10 (in Germany $2,50). So if you’re going for a picnic in the US it feels like having a dinner party.
How to Fuel a Car in the US
Gas
In Germany you’re fueling, going into the gas station and pay (mostly cash because we’re still living in 1970 when it is about digitalization). In the US (when you’re having a foreign credit card!) you’re going to the check-out, guess how much gas you might need, prepay, go back, fuel, see that it’s not enough or too much and go back to the check-out to get more fuel or money back. But besides that, gas is ridiculously cheap like $2,50 per gallon. In Germany it’s around $4 per gallon or even more. So: Eat in Germany, head over the US and drive around!
Tips
“For your convenience we expect a tip of 25 %”. Okay, sounds super-cool. Not. I bet I will feel very convenient after I did it
... Sorry, but I don’t need someone who tells me what amount of tip I shoud leave to “feel good”. On the other hand people were telling me about the poor wage that people working in restaurants
earn – like $2,50 per hour. That’s why tips are that high in Germany usually 10 %). This is a very sad reason.
Speed Limits and Crazy Constructions
Road Construction
When you come along construction areas on Highways you’ll sometimes spot people waving orange flags and sings. They say
“stop” on the one side and “slow” on the other side. Instead of installing a temporary traffic light, those poor people have to stand close to the emissions, the noise and the heat for probably a
ridiculous wage – and skin cancer.
Speed Limits
Well, I’m sorry – but in Germany only fat trucks are as slow as maximum speed limits in the US. When I crossed Nevada I found some
super fancy signs telling me that I was allowed to drive 80 mph FAST. Most of the time before it was 60 or 70 mph. When I hit my 80 mph, I started to pass Mustangs, Corvettes and even a Ferrari
because nobody really dared to drive those thrilling 80 mph. Maybe people in the US believe that highways are ending behind the horizon, and they’re going to collapse right into the universe when
they’re driving so incredibly fast. On the other hand the horizon in the US never ends – perfect!
Help me, it's a Roundabout!
Traffic Regulations
Amazingly efficient: You’re allowed to turn right on red if nobody’s coming. That’s super efficient and something we badly need in our cities in Germany. Amazingly
funny: Most of the people in the US are afraid of roundabouts because there are just very few. Amazingly relaxing: There are a lot of junctions with four stop
signs. The first one who stops at the sign is the first one who’s allowed to proceed through the intersection. And all the people are so relaxed that I’ve never seen a race about
it.
Credit Cards
Really nobody is interested if I am going to pay for my entire shoppings (with taxes!) with the credit card of 60-year-old
Daniel Smith. No ID is required and most of the time even no signature. Sometimes you have to sign with your finger on a touch pad. One time I drew a
little duck on it and nobody cared.
Where is my Roland-Emmerich-Catastrophy?
Danger
Police sirens, gunfire, thunder. Roland Emmerich is riding on a Batmobil on Times Square while a young white lady is robbed in the subway and kicked off from a skyscraper afterwards. I have no idea why American people produce American movies like that about their American cities.
I have been to five big cities like New York, Chicago and Los Angeles for weeks – several times alone at night – but
the only thing that happened were friendly people coming towards me for helping me with maps and directions. I’m disappointed, seriously!
Of course there are dangerous areas as well. But there are dangerous areas in every big (and small) city – also in Germany! So, no
worries and please don’t believe those movies!
To me the most dangerous thing in the US is the force of nature like severe storms, flash floods and forest fires.
WiFi
I only had two days without WiFi on my entire trip. Once in a cabin in the middle of nowhere and
once in an airbnb because it just broke down. It seems like even every public restroom has WiFi in the US. All the libraries, cafés, restaurants, stations and motels – and also most of the
museums. You know what? That’s fabulous for travelers. In Germany you have to buy a magnifier to find a little piece of public WiFi somewhere. As I told you when I was talking about the credit
cards: Sometimes it's still 1970 out here.
Expensive Education and Awesome Strangers
College
To go to college in the US means saving tons of money over the years. When I heard about the dues they have to pay for college in the
US I nearly fainted. When they heard what I had to pay in Germany they fainted, too. In the US you have to pay an amount of money for public colleges that you have to pay in Germany when you’re
going to a super fancy private school. It starts around $30.000. I had to pay round about $250 (including a train ticket for the whole State, without books, food and lodging) for a semester in
Germany. That’s just crazy, isn’t it?!
People
Everyone I met - no matter if from from New York, Oklahoma, Texas, California, Wyoming or Minnesota - was more than awesome. So many people offered me their help, love and
friendship, open doors and open hearts. I was overwhelmed by their hospitality and generousness. No matter what culture, religion or age they were. When I was back in Germany I had a culture
shock because of all the reserved and hasty people giving cool handshakes (or walking by…) instead of a warm embrace.
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